Snob Essentials

Marni Alpaca Tote


Overheard on the Alapaca ranch: “Have you seen what Marni did to your fur?” “What? Who’s Marni, is she that old bat down the hill who comes up weekly to steal fur?” “God, you are so base. Marni! Hello, Marni! Like one of the coolest Italian brands, ever!” “Oh, in that case, no I have not seen what they’ve done to my fur.  And I am not base. I am the pride of the herd, you’re just jealous because I have fluffy platinum fur and yours is the color of dishwater.” “Okay, whatever. They made your fur into a bag, who does that? Waste precious Alpaca fur on a bag!?!?  Do they know how long it takes us to grow our fur back!?!? We are meant for coats, long, gorgeous, butter soft coats!  You don’t see them humiliating cashmere like this!” “Coat, bag, yarn, blah, same thing.  What do I care what they do with it.”  “Have you no pride?  Of course you should care!  Not only is your fur a bag, it’s a giant, furry ugly bag!  I don’t think they even combed it!”  “Again, don’t care.  By the way, how do you know the fur was mine?” “Well, I recognized the curls, of course. You have very distinctive curls, that center cowlick just won’t stay down.”  Marni Alpaca Tote $2,440 at   




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  1. LMAO!

    Tina you are so funny, love the witty take on this review. And I’m with the diswater blonde alpaca, the bag is horrid.

  2. Marni has a very odd collection of bags for this fall/winter. I hope they will come up with a better collection next time.

  3. You are too funny, Tina!!!!

    This bag looks like a “wookie” on a string. What on earth (or in any galaxy far,far away) was Marni thinking??

  4. Rita, I’ll take that wookie and raise you dust-bunny. Seriously. I think I have about five of those handbags under my bed right now. Sloth chic! Pun intended! (egads) Or how about that THING with teeth in The Dark Crystal? (Am I dating myself here?) Fizzgig? (Google it, seriously. I would attach an image, but I’m too much of a Luddite. FIZZGIG. Image search and thank me later) And what happens when it rains? Seriously…does it smell like wet dog, er, alpaca? Do I have to fluff and blow-dry it? The mind, the tiny mind, it boggles!

  5. This is part of the fun of fashion, isn’t it? Tina if you ever decide to write about something else I will faithfully follow

  6. Shall we wickedly rename it THE WOOKIE BAG, then? *:)

    Seriously, though, that purse is just too tacky. Doesn’t command respect at all.

    Marni, what were you thinkin?!

    Go, Tina!