Snob Essentials

Super Simple Sick & Sinful Halloween Treats


Everyone loves Halloween and even if you don’t love crafts and fashioning food to resemble ghouls and goblins, I promise you can manage these. Your guests will get a kick out of these fun snacks and the best part is, you can take the credit without any of the effort. All of these are EASY to make, some might take a bit of patience but none of them require any artistic skill of any kind.


(Picture above): Brownie bites from the market, green frosting, green sprinkles, eyes of newt and scattered bones. Easy. I actually made my own cream cheese frosting because I prefer it to the sickening sweet and buttery traditional frosting. To each his own. And the creepy crawlies you decide to brew up in your cauldron is also completely up to how sick you want to take this. Oh, you’ll also need pretzel sticks but if you’re making the broomsticks to go with this, you’ll already have that handy.



Remember I said earlier you may need some patience? Here’s where that comes in. All you need are: string cheese, pretzel sticks and chives. Cut the string cheese in half lengthwise. There will be 2 ends, the rounded end you didn’t cut and the cut end, use a small knife and cut the open end of the string cheese in to 8 sections, leaving about 1/2″ at the top intact. Start to peel the cheese apart to give it its broom bristles. Insert the pretzel stick on the rounded end where you didn’t cut and tie a long piece of chives around the broom. Tying the chive is a pain!! The trick is to not tug too hard when you make the knot.



Graham crackers, cream cheese and raspberry jam. You can use strawberry, as well, but raspberry is a deeper read and let’s be honest, it’s so much tastier than strawberry. If you really want to gross people out, take the bandaids out of the package and make like it’s been used. But don’t add actual used bandaids here. Sanitation over fun, please. I could have been more patience cutting the graham crackers in to perfectly rectangular pieces, but it was late and one of my kids started whining. It’s been scientifically proven that whining frays the nerves.



These Dracula donuts are the perfect crafts for little kids. All it takes are: glazed donut (Krispy Kreme work best because of its size but any medium size donut will work), plastic Dracula teeth and chocolate chips. Add strawberry jam for a bloody effect. If you plan on doing a class party or a block party, you can get an entire gross (that’s 144!!) on Amazon for only $7.91.



Get as creative as your abilities allow on the pumpkin but as you can see, my carving skills are remedial at best. The focus os really on the guacamole barf, the chunkier the better! Make sure you serve in on your biggest platter for maximum effect. Add lights inside the jack-o-lantern to make it even better!

I also happen to have the best guacamole recipe!! You will never go back after tasting this.

4 ripe avocados, cut large grids in the half shell and scoop it out with a tablespoon, (if you get one that is partially turning black, it will effect the overall taste, make sure you use beautiful green ones only)

1/2 medium red onion, diced finely

2 medium ripe tomatoes, diced 1/4″ cubes

1 teaspoon of capers, chopped fine (this is my magical secret ingredient)

1 Jalapeno pepper, diced super fine (remove seeds if you can’t handle the heat)

Juice of 1 lime

sea salt to taste

Put all the ingredients except the lime in a large bowl and toss lightly, remember we want to keep it chunky. Once ingredients are mixed together, add the lime juice and give it a few more stirs. If you plan on making the guacamole ahead of time, keep one of the avocado seeds in the bowl with the guacamole to keep it from turning brown.



By far the star of the party!! Your guests will be completely grossed out then immediately have the craziest urge to eat it. It looks so realistic it’s disturbing. If it wasn’t for the delicious smell of chocolate while I was making this, I would have had real barf for that jack-o-lantern. Pour a bag of granola in a BRAND NEW CLEAN littler box. Get yourself a ready made chocolate fudge cake, make sure it’s extra moist so it will stick together. Using an apple corer (like this kind), start pushing it in to the cake until you fill the corer. Remove the entire “poo” and pinch off the ends for extra realism. Place on top of granola. Get a BRAND NEW CLEAN Pooper Scooper for $3.70 to serve and if you have a stuffed cat somewhere, it definitely adds to the fun. Small litter box on Amazon for $3.11.



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